i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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