Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
do nipples grow back?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
