She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
