dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
