if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
