I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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