have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
