you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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