It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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