I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
