Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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