well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
