i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
