I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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