I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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