the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
