i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
