Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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