it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Ketchup is God's man juice
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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