imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
