I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
