I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
