Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
