He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
