I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Randomize
