Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
