You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I still have a little drunk in my system
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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