I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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