My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
