I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
