I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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