Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
