Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
