Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
