Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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