We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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