I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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