Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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