I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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