if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
