dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
