Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
