Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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