He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
