i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
