Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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