Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
