apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
