you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
