she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
