Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
